MY FRIEND, ERIK
Side note to critics that don’t like Man of Steel because it isn’t in the same tone/light as the 1978 classic: fire up the Blu-Ray. If you wanted them to make the same movie twice, there would’ve been cries of copycatting and it would’ve fallen short.
I’m concerned by the (entirely likely) thought that Christopher Nolan and David S. Goyer watched Superman Returns and thought, “That was okay, but what we need is a Superman movie that takes itself even more seriously.”
MY FRIEND, NAT
A movie starring a man in red underwear can’t take itself that seriously.
NOLAN: “We’ve gotta get rid of the red underwear. It’s too ridiculous.”
GOYER: “Wings protruding from the navel?”
NOLAN: (Nods) “Wings protruding from the navel.”
His belt is holding up and carrying nothing.
His belt is a Quidditch snitch.
The only thing my belly button catches is food I’ve dropped. Superman’s belly button wins 150 points for Griffindor. Typical.
Why do some posters have the yellow in his logo, and others don’t? Does he have multiple costumes in the film?
The colors alter within the movie. Like a mood ring, I guess.
When his logo is yellow, that means his mood is “Embarrassed That He Forgot To Put On His Underwear.”
Forget Seinfeld—theme parks are unique in telling a type of story where nothing happens.
They feature neither dialogue nor action. There are no visible protagonists, objectives, or antagonists. The events began, escalated, and resolved long before we arrived.
These stories are forensic. They leave archeological clues that imply what happened, which lets us assemble the pieces together into a narrative.
My girlfriend stole my planner and filled it with silly activities. I followed all of her instructions—except for the one that said, “Write a poem about bees.”
For over a year, I’ve been unable to find an exhibit of live bees between Central and South Florida…until today. Animal Kingdom is celebrating Pollinators’ Day, and I’m celebrating the conclusion of my photo essay!
A GIF is an image that can support animation. Nothing too complicated, mind you, just a few actions. Roughly as much as we’d see, passing by an animatronic in a dark ride.
Here, for example, is a GIF of the clock from it’s a small world.
Just wait ‘til the hour strikes.
Any minute, now.
…aaaaaany minute, now.
That’s all that clock does, all day, every day, rain or shine. There are classier ways to argue for theme parks as a valid artistic medium, but goddamn if that 8-bit image doesn’t capture what makes that clock as fun as it is in real life.
Some animatronics take their GIF-like movement a step further—by telling stories. There are fewer of these characters, but they enrich their surroundings immeasurably.
A ride populated with living characters who tell small-but-complete stories feels less like a narrative and more like a world. Everyone’s dealing with their own problems, but they’re all related to problems you’d find in the jungle. Or with ghosts, or pirates, et cetera.
Of course, there aren’t many GIFs of animatronics. That would be helpful. That would illustrate my theory. That would make this essay easier to read. Thank heavens the internet hasn’t cursed us with more than a handful of GIFs of animatronics.
The internet has, mercifully enough, provided us with a wealth of GIFs from Disney cartoons. In theory, these could be adapted into animatronic figures, so for our purposes, we’ll pretend that’s what they are.
Without further ado, let’s discuss the GIF story.